I am getting greedy. I want so many things right now but I can't quite afford them and yet I still think about them constantly. And I'm not being profound here and saying that I want to feel peace with my inner-self or that I want to be all zen-like or anything. The things that I want are just that...things. My current want is a new car. Well, a new/used car. New to me. And I want a Nissan Altima. And I want the color to be Mystic Emerald Metallic. It's so PRETTY! I just researched the price online (because it's so damn easy when everything is right at your fingertips), and as I'm yelling to Jeff down the hallway to ask him the proper downpayment for the price, he wastes no time yelling back at me that we don't even have enough for the downpayment, and that basically ended our car conversation for the day. So.

This isn't to say that we don't splurge occasionally on big ticket items. In fact, yesterday we bought a large flatscreen TV. When I saw the price ring up on the cash register at Best Buy, I have to admit I nearly fell off the stool I was sitting on. You would think that after purchasing something so bank account-draining that I would choose to be frugal. Instead, I am researching car prices and dreaming big. It doesn't mean that I am going to run out and buy the Altima tomorrow, but let's face the facts: the green Chevy Lumina that has serviced me for so many years (since January 2001 to be exact) is on its 156,000th+ mile and it's no longer beautiful. I've spilled one too many cups of coffee on the gray carpet, the sides were splattered with egg yolk in New London by teenage losers so now it's rusting in spots, and I scraped against the red and yellow pole at the McDonald's drive-in one night about five years ago--you get the picture. When I'm driving my car, I feel a bit unprofessional. It's kind of similar to the fact that I can't afford trendy, fashionable clothes: I know that on the inside, a cute, professional, well-dressed Tara is just dying to come out, but instead she has to make due with what she has.

Okay, okay. I just realized that I sound incredibly ungrateful, and I have so much, I do. I love my life and my house and our new furniture...but we all have a wish list, don't we? We are always striving for something more, whether tangible or spiritual. I know material things don't make you a better person, but I would feel more confident if I were able to afford a shiny new car and an Ann Taylor Loft wardrobe.

I had two separate discussions this week, with Jeff and then with Megan. We all came to the same conclusion: that our generation is a "must have" generation. When we see something new/trendy/interesting, we just have to have it. There's no way around it. As soon as a DVD box set comes out, it's ours. We want two Tivos to tape our programs? Done. When our parents recommend that we wait a few months to get settled into the house before buying a couch/loveseat/coffee table/end table, we pause for a second, look at each other, say "Nahhhh" and proceed to Crate & Barrel.

Growing up, I was always excellent at saving money. I would buy maybe one toy a month, and I think my parents mostly bought my books for me. I saved my allowance and report card money. I was responsible. Maybe now there are just so many marketable items that it's overwhelming. But I still have to give myself props, because for every 5 items that I want to buy, I only purchase one.

I know that my grandparents and my parents didn't have half the things that I have at 27. I also know that they hadn't been to Europe four times or on a cruise or to Hawaii. It was just completely unprecedented at the time, and they have nothing to compare their lives to except for future generations; our generation. I guess we literally have the world at our fingertips, both online and in real time. And that's just something I find hard to pass up.