I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection as we head into the holiday season this year. My uncle’s birthday was on Christmas. My birthday is on December 13th. He took his life the day after my 30th birthday on December 14, 2009. I've always loved this time of year and everything it offers: the anticipation, the lights, the crisp air and family get-togethers. The wine, gift giving, thinking of others and attempting to make their days merry and bright. But since 2009, the holidays have been slightly bittersweet. I recently told Ashlyn (she turns 12 on 12/29—another reason I love December) that Uncle Billy’s birthday was on Christmas and she asked, “Is that why you sometimes seem sad on Christmas morning?” I never realized my expression betrayed my feelings, but I'm sure there are times that I’ve been contemplative or lost in thought.

This year, I thought about all I’ve accomplished in my uncle’s honor. The silver lining is that this work helps other people and I am grateful for that. Not that he would want to be remembered for how he died (because I know without a doubt that as a private person, he absolutely wouldn't), but I think he would be proud that I'm helping to save others who are struggling. So this year, I thought I would do something a little different. In the spirit of “The Twelve Days of Christmas”, I pulled together a list of everything I’ve done in his honor and quantified it:

· $58,335 raised for this year’s Out of the Darkness walk that I co-chaired (goal: $25,000)
· $7,706 personally raised for AFSP/suicide prevention
· 18 months (and counting) on the CT chapter of the AFSP board
· 7 Out of the Darkness walks
· 4 years served on the Niantic Out of the Darkness Walk Committee
· 3 Talk Saves Lives presentations delivered to Aetna/CVS Health employees and customers
· 2 successful fundraisers at the Niantic Public House
· 1 year as walk Co-Chair
· 1 Mental Health First Aid certification course
· 1 Narcan/QPR certification course
· 1 invite to the AFSP Chapter Leadership Conference in Houston January 2022
· Countless lives enhanced or saved by this invaluable information and organization;
· and a partridge in a pear tree

December and the holidays can be a really difficult time for some people. Reach out. Have a real conversation and ask them how they are feeling. Earlier in November, Taylor Swift re-released her album “Red” (on her terms). If you have a moment, listen to the lyrics of “Forever Winter” which portray how it feels when you’re watching someone struggle mentally and emotionally:

"All this time I didn’t know
You were breakin’ down
I’d fall to pieces on the floor
If you weren’t around
Too young to know it gets better
I’ll be summer sun for you forever
Forever winter if you go…"

Go be someone’s summer sun this holiday season. Reach out. I promise you, you will make a difference. Happy holidays, everyone. #mentalhealth #holidays #grateful

Mental Health Month matters more than ever this year.

Note: If you experience suicidal thoughts or have lost someone to suicide, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. Or call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

 

May is Mental Health Month. This year, I think more people will take the time to pause and reflect on these past fourteen months and what they have meant for our collective mental health than any other time in recent history. The isolation, the anxiety, the staggering death toll, the loss of financial security for people who had to close their businesses or who lost their jobs, the process of grieving even for the “normal” events we (and our children) were unable to attend…school, the office, birthday parties, weddings, holidays with family, happy hours, funerals. With very little warning, our lives were irrevocably changed in an instant one Thursday aftern in March and we didn’t even know for how long or what the magnitude of the extended impact would be. We went from thriving and humming along with our daily lives and routines to survival mode pretty much overnight. And we’ll be witnessing and measuring the aftermath for years to come.

 

Mental health has been at the forefront of many of my conversations these past few months both personally and professionally, as well as through my work with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). I think it’s one of the only silver linings to come out of this difficult time. While we all experienced the pandemic from different perspectives, various walks of life and circumstances, the bottom line is that we have now witnessed first-hand how important it is to be mindful of our own mental health; to check in on those we know and love; and to be aware of the warning signs if someone is suffering so much that they may be depressed or even thinking of suicide.

 

The importance of reaching out.

 

Many times, especially when we are so immersed in our own lives and issues, we may not notice the signs that indicate someone is struggling. If you are concerned about someone you know or love, make sure you know the signs and how to approach the topic with them. Being educated and proactively knowing the signs may be extremely helpful in case you find yourself in a future situation where you need to know how to react, and quickly.

 

Reaching out can absolutely make a difference, and it has for so many people. Since losing my Uncle Billy to suicide in 2009, I have reached out to many people in my personal and professional life through various avenues, including social media and real-time conversations, and I truly believe it has made a difference. I have also been published on The Mighty website that chronicles people’s real-life stories, and have been featured on Aetna and CVSHealth’s intranet sites raising awareness about the importance of mental health. By continuing to speak out, I’m actively looking to reduce the stigma surrounding this topic. I encourage those struggling to reach out for help. Reaching out for help doesn’t make you weak—it actually takes an incredible amount of courage to do so and should be considered a sign of strength. 

 

Being part of the solution.

 

This year, I am proud to continue my active role as a board member for AFSP and I’m honored to be the Co-Chair of this year’s Niantic Out of the Darkness walk (shameless plug: Register or donate today!) I am also preparing to deliver my first Talk Saves Lives training to 50-100 CVSHealth employees and customer representatives in early September. Those of you who know me well understand that this is out of my comfort zone because I have never been super confident in my ability to present and speak publicly, but this year I made it one of my professional development goals, and after several (non-mental health) presentations at work, I have to admit, at 41, I’m finally coming along.

 

In March, I had the opportunity to attend one of my AFSP colleague’s Talk Saves Lives trainings for an elderly LGBT population and it was a beautiful experience, hearing their collective stories and what they have endured over the years, and how they have come together to support each other. I was even able to help one of the participants with an idea for their peer support hotline by suggesting that the volunteers take the Mental Health First Aid course to feel better prepared for certain conversations and topics that may arise on their inbound calls.

 

As I once wrote in my LinkedIn blog post, Choose to Make a Difference No Matter What You Do: “Long ago, I made a promise to myself to reach out to others in their time of need. And I will continue to look for opportunities to make people’s lives better for the rest of my own life because I don’t know how to live any other way.” I truly believe this is my calling in life—to listen without judgment. To understand. To care. And to help and support this important cause.