I think that I've become a fairly articulate and eloquent speaker by default. I say "by default" because it's certainly not through any natural ability of my own. When I was in kindergarten, I was so shy that I refused to play with my fellow five-year-olds. I sat alone in the corner stacking colorful plastic blocks that interlocked (I believe they were used for counting and one-to-one correspondence) while the other kids played house or dress-up together. In 2nd grade, my peers thought that I was a snob because I wouldn't speak to them. I had three close friends throughout elementary school (Sara, Jessica D. and Jessie B.) and they were all that I felt I needed. We played "Witch" on the hopscotch boards during recess and took turns hosting sleepovers. I often let them speak for me even if I didn't agree with them or their actions. It was easier. It was non-confrontational...and I regret it now.

It's funny, but sometimes when people ask me to describe myself, the word "shy" still rolls around on my tongue before I snap the thought away and swallow it whole. I'm not shy. I'm no longer even close to shy. But it was always a defining characteristic of mine; one that teachers noted on my report cards and friends' parents teased me about. ("Remember the first time you came over our--Sara's--house? You just sat there on the couch and kept asking "When is my mom coming to get me?") I've been thinking about this common thread for a few days now...for various reasons. The first being that on Facebook, my friends recently "compared" me to others, and they voted me as "more outgoing". I kind of laughed because I just don't see myself in that light. However, upon further study, I imagined myself rambling on to my girl friends over dinner, becoming increasingly loud and obnoxious over a martini at Lupo, exploding into a giggling fit with Megan at work, or politely introducing myself to major donors during intermission, and I realize that I have changed. I have made it a point to communicate, to really know people. I suppose my interest in human drama and everyday life has forced me into a level of interaction that I never experienced previously.

This past Saturday, I made Lifetime at Weight Watchers which basically means that I've maintained my goal weight for 6+ weeks and I no longer have to pay to attend meetings. There were probably about 40 people at the meeting, and our leader Katie asked me why the program worked for me. I used to feel my face turn bright red when I felt pressured to respond, but when I opened my mouth, all the right words were there. I was able to pinpoint my each and every success and every reason behind it; I gave credit to the support I had received from Jeff, his mom, and the others in the room; and I was so proud of the fact that I was able to string together complete and interesting sentences *like that* (snaps her fingers).

I guess I shouldn't be altogether surprised. I know that I am fairly smart and capable of expressing myself...but I usually hide behind my pen and paper, or behind my computer screen. I haven't always been so comfortable and at ease with my ability to express myself. It's a skill that I've developed over the past few years, inadvertantly. And I'm proud of it.