Friday, September 4, 2015

Patience. Lately I haven't had much of it. With myself, with my kids,with random people on the road, with virtually anything. I've been more aggravated, more stressed, more...rushed. And I am truly tired of feeling this way. It's exhausting. I want to be more in control of my day-to-day life. I want to be organized, relaxed, healthy and happy. And I am pieces of those things at any given time, but my ideal self is only realized when these traits all coexist.

A lot of it comes down to time. Well, time, organization and prioritization, but they're all related. I really, *really* need to get better at prioritizing. I try and take on too much in every aspect of my life. And when I take something on, I never put in minimal effort; I am generally all in. I respond to people quickly, I say yes too often, I most likely over-extend myself even before I realize what I'm doing. And then comes the paralysis. When I have so many projects/tasks/chores/plans/fill in the blank, etc., that I literally sit there, paralyzed, trying to figure out what to handle first. And then I continue to sit there staring blankly, attempting to organize my thoughts and write lists, sometimes to no avail, because it's too overwhelming. And that wastes a considerable amount of valuable time...time that I desperately need to be productive and successful.

And yet, somehow I am relatively successful. I do get things done, and I get them done well. But there has to be a way to be successful without feeling constantly tense or on edge. For me personally, running helps relieve some of that tension because I have time to clear my head, listen to music and do something beneficial for myself (the healthy trait above). BUT again, many times I find that I can't/don't make the time for running even though I truly believe it helps me focus and refocus. Why is that? Why do we find time for certain things and not others? Why are there always certain elements of our life that slide when we're feeling stressed or unbalanced? I want to take the time to figure this out because I truly think it will help my daily mindset moving forward.

I was talking to a colleague this week and she told me she recently started taking ten minutes out of her day to just lie down and breathe. I'll be the first to admit that I have never practiced meditation or taken a yoga class, but this sounds like a worthwhile use of time. But first I need to learn how to clear my head because I think entirely too much. About everything. I overthink. I analyze. I beat myself up over minor setbacks, both physical and mental. So in those ten minutes, I need to learn NOT to think of all the emails I could respond to in that time, of the laundry that needs to be folded or the kids' lunches that need to be made. I literally need to schedule time in my day, even if it's just ten minutes, to relax, to refocus. Because right now I don't feel like I'm reaching my full potential since it always feels like something has to give. I feel like I'm trying to hold onto and handle so many juggling parts that it's nearly impossible. I also realize that I am my own harshest critic, so there's that, but if I feel this strongly about all of this, there has to be an underlying issue that I can proactively learn how to fix.

This fall, I plan on being present, being mindful, being focused. I want to feel more like I am living each moment as opposed to rushing through it to get to the next place/reach the next deadline/check the box. If anyone has any tips or wants to share their thoughts, I am more than open to them. Thank you for listening.




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